With today's column, I've decided to cover an issue I think we can all relate to: the many drawbacks of owning an exotic car.
Ha ha! I'm just kidding, of course. Very few people can relate to the drawbacks of owning an exotic car, unless of course you follow me on Twitter, where I post about them frequently. (For instance: "WTF? People are such jerks. Another nasty note for taking up two spots!") I think this is largely because most people don't own exotic cars, they own Honda Odysseys, and the biggest drawback there is they didn't spring for the model with the vacuum cleaner that picks up Cheez-It crumbs.
Of course, there's another reason we don't think about the drawbacks of exotic car ownership. Basically, we want exotic cars to be cool. We want them to be awesome. When we were kids, and we all had posters of the Lamborghini Countach on our walls, we thought about driving down the highway at 200 miles per hour, screaming along with the engine roaring behind us.
We never considered the fact that visibility in a Countach is so bad you have to open the scissor door and stick your head out like a confused puppy every time you want to back up
He might dart across six lanes of traffic to catch an exit at the very last second just because he saw a 2-for-1 deal at Arby's. And once he hits you, he'd discover — much to his shock — that his insurance expired in 2004. "But really, man, it doesn't look so bad!"
This means that your precious exotic car could, at any moment, find itself surrounded with vehicles driven by the kind of person who believes that "Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History" is an opinion that must be expressed by their automobile.
This is because we now live in a post-Occupy world, where any display of wealth automatically makes you a cocky investment banker who personally squandered the pension plans of many elderly, heartland, God-fearing Americans who now must kill the family dog in order to feed their children. Never mind the fact that the 360 costs approximately the same amount of money as the GL450 driven by the parents of all the Occupy protesters.