BOLD RIDE
Chances are, unless you already have a spouse, significant other, a bae, or whatever, you’re going to need all the luck you can find today in order to lock down a date for tonight. It’s Valentine’s Day, people. Unfortunately, if you’re driving any one of these vehicles you probably won’t be getting to second base anytime soon. Or first, for that matter.
That’s why we’re here to provide you with the best consumer advice we can give: 10 cars you should totally avoid if you’re even thinking about getting lucky tonight or ever. Seriously, take our advice. <3
Suzuki X-90
What exactly Suzuki was trying to do with the X-90 is a bit of an enigma. Built on the Sidekick’s platform, it’s sort of an SUV, but it kind of looks like a ripoff of a Civic, it has that super cool T-Top, and it only has two doors and two seats. It looks like you might find an erector set as the frame if you lifted up that weird body. Hard pass.
Aston Martin Cygnet
You said, “Can’t wait to see you, I’ll pick you up at 8 in my new Aston Martin!” The person you’re picking up: “Oh damn, am I about to go on a date with a secret agent?” Well, sort of, if you consider an undercover Toyota prancing around dressed up in a British suit an operative.
Fiat Multipla
The Multipla looks like a car that Sid from Toy Story would have built on an extremely uncreative Saturday morning. It’s part anteater, part raccoon, and part praying mantis, which, contrary to common belief, is not an attractive combination.
Cadillac Cimarron
Remember when Cadillacs were for old people (if you’re still in that mindset, move on)? As one of the worst “luxury” cars ever created, the Cimarron helped perpetuate that idea in the early ’80s. Talk about the struggle.
Ford Pinto
Translated from Portuguese, “pinto” means “pint.” The first thing that comes to mind when thinking of pint is beer. Beer and driving is bad. Therefore, nobody will appreciate being picked up in a car that is related to drinking. Case (pun intended) closed.
Geo Metro
A car that needs no introduction. The Geo Metro puttered onto in 1989 and quickly became the laughing stock of the automotive world. You won’t be getting anywhere fast with 70 horsepower.
Fast and Furious Mods
I’m a fan of tuner cars, I really am. But there lies a fine line between a well-tuned car, and a Fast and Furious special. Neon, flames, nitrous oxide systems — don’t do this. Don’t do any of this.
Hummer H2
Rumor has it GMC might revive a Hummer-like SUV in its lineup. Let’s hope they don’t. Driving one of these things was essentially a babe deflector.
Chevrolet Malibu Maxx
Why would you even think about buying this, let alone picking up a date in one?
Plymouth Caravelle
“Hey girl, let me take you for a ride in my fly Plymouth Caravelle,” said no one ever.
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